Short summary 'Paul's Case"
The story 'Paul's Case' is related to a schoolboy's escaping
monotonous life by committing suicide. Paul, a young boy, struggles to fit in
at home and in school of New York city, but his frustration with his dull
middle class life mixed with a desire for a luxurious life style makes him
anxious to create a perfect life style for himself. This causes him to
purposely separate himself from everyone else leading to feelings of isolation.
His teachers and father refer him as a 'case' representing him at a distance
and as an example of someone to be studied and managed. He is suspended from
high school. Then he goes to New York city and makes the ultimate decision of
taking his own life through suicide.
About the author Willa Cather
Willa Cather (1873-1947) was born near Winchester, Virginia,
the U.S. She is an American novelist and story writer.
She is noted for her portrayals of the settlers and frontier
life on the American plains. Some of the earliest work produced by Cather was
first published in the Red Could Chief, the city's local paper. Although she
began her writing career as a journalist, she made a distinction between
journalism, which she saw as being primarily informative, and literature, which
she saw as an art form. Her work is often marked by its
nostalgic tone, her subject matter, and themes drawn from memories of her early
years on the more experimental techniques, such as stream of consciousness, in
her writing. In 1923 s e was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for One of Ours, a
novel set during World War I. In her earlier Song of the Lark (1915), as well
as in the tales assembled in Youth and the Bright Medusa (1920), including the
much-anthologized “Paul’s Case,” and Lucy Gayheart (1935), she rejected the
other side of her experience—the struggle of talent to emerge from the
constricting life of the prairies and the stifling effects of small-town life.
Paul's Case [Detailed Summary]
The short story "Paul's Case" was written by Willa
Cather. This story is about a young boy who struggles to fit in at home and in
school. This story begins with the reader finding out the main character, Paul
who is being suspended from high school. He meets with his principal and
teachers. They complain about Paul's "defiant manner" in class, and
the "physical aversion" he shows toward his teachers. Paul exhibits
this behavior because he wants his work as an usher for Carnegie Hall in
Pittsburgh.
He stays for the concert and enjoys the social scene. While
doing so, he loses himself in the music. After the concert, Paul follows the artist
and imagines life inside her hotel room. Unfortunately, the reader soon learns
that Paul and his father have a poor relationship. Once Paul returns home late
one night. Paul enters through the basement window to avoid any confrontation
with his father. Paul gets nervous that his father will come downstairs with a
shotgun and kill him. Therefore, be stays awake for the remainder of the night,
thinking what would happen if his father mistook him for a burglar and shot
him, or if his dad would recognize him in time. Not only does Paul wonder if
his father will identify him in time, but he also entertains the idea of his
father possibly regretting not shooting him when he had the chance to do so.
Paul feels out of place with the people on Cordelia Street
because they serve to remind him of his own monotonous and dull life. Although
his father considers him a role model for Paul, Paul is unimpressed by a tedious
and slow young man who works for an iron company and is married with four
children. While Paul longs to be wealthy, cultivated, and powerful, he lacks
the stamina and determination to change his condition.
Instead, Paul tries to run away from his boring life by
visiting Charley Edwards; a young actor. Later on, Paul clarifies to one of his
teachers that his job ushering is more important than his schoolwork, causing
his father to prevent him from continuing to work as an usher. He is taken out
of school. He is, then, put to work at an entry-level office job and Charley is
compelled to promise not to see Paul again.
Paul takes a train to New York City after stealing a large
sum of money from his job that he was supposed to deposit to the bank. As he
reaches the lively New Work city, Paul buys an expensive wardrobe, rents a room
at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel, and explores the city. He also meets a young boy
from San Francisco who takes him on an all-night tour of the city's glamorous
social scene. His few days of copying a rich, privileged young man, bring him
more contentment than he had ever known because living a lavish lifestyle is
Paul's only hope and dream.
However, on the eighth day, after spending most of his money,
Paul reads from a Pittsburgh newspaper that his theft has been made public. His
father has reimbursed his theft and is on his way to New York City to bring
Paul back home to Pittsburgh. Paul then reveals that he had bought a gun on his
first day in New York City, and considers shooting himself to avoid returning
to his old life in Pittsburgh. Finally, he decides against it and instead
commits suicide by jumping in front of a train. Paul made the ultimate decision
of taking his own life because the thought of returning to his old lifestyle
was too much for him to tolerate.
Paul’s Case [question answer]
What is the main idea of Paul's Case?
Ans. The theme of "Paul's Case" is that when the
world of illusion, of the superficial, becomes too appealing to us, it can
destroy us. We can feel some sympathy for Paul as he rejects the narrow, hardworking,
respectable, and Calvinist world he has grown up in.
What does case mean in Paul's Case?
Ans. The "case" has at least two meanings, here.
For one, it's like a box that Paul is in. He feels totally constricted by his
ordinary, everyday life, the "tepid waters of Cordelia Street" that
are about to drown him. But "case," especially of the glass variety,
could also refer to the story itself.
How is Paul described in Paul's Case?
Ans. Paul is described as tall and thin boy, with bright,
glassy eyes, and so on. Paul sticks out from his fellow students both in his
appearance. He wears dandyish accessories like an opal pin and a red carnation
and he is in his flamboyant demeanor. Although he is often playful,
performative, and defiant, he is privately quite depressed.
What was Paul's personality?
Ans. Paul had sincere love and sensitive heart. His sensitive
spirit was provoked when he saw Athens full of idols and all the people blindly
following falsehoods. He hated sin and he hated to see people separate from
God. His conscience didn't allow him to stand by and do nothing.
What are the four settings in Paul's
case?
Ans. The plot of "Paul's Case" rides unrelentingly
on a succession of four settings: the high school, Camegie Hall, Cordelia
Street, the stock theatre company, the train, the Waldorf Hotel in New York,
and the snowy tracks where he dies.
What mental illness does Paul have in
Paul's case?
Ans. Paul's problem drives him to take his own life, and
simple adolescent arrogance does not lead to such drastic measures. Paul
suffers from what contemporary psychiatry calls a "narcissistic
personality disorder." The term, "narcissism" comes, of course,
from the Greek myth of Narcissus.
What can we learn from Paul's life?
Ans. I have learned the secret of being content in what we
have in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty
or in want. I can do all things through him who gives me strength. The secret
of Paul's contentment was that he drew his strength from the Lord.
What kind of feeling did Paul have after
a concert was over?
Ans. After a concert was over Paul was always irritable and
wretched until he got to sleep, and to-night he was even more than usually
restless. He had the feeling of not being able to let down, of its being
impossible to give up this delicious excitement which was the only thing that
could be called living at all. During the last number he withdrew, and, after
hastily changing his clothes in the dressing-room, slipped out to the side door
where the soprano's carriage stood. Here he began pacing rapidly up and down
the walk, waiting to see her come out.
What did Paul do just before he jumped?
Ans. Just before he jumped, he stood watching the approaching
locomotive, his teeth chattering, his lips drawn away from them in a frightened
smile; once or twice he glanced nervously sidewise, as though he were being
watched. When the right moment came, he jumped. As he fell, the folly of his
haste occurred to him with merciless clearness, the vastness of what he had
left undone. There flashed through his brain, clearer than ever before, the
blue of Adriatic water, the yellow of Algerian sands.
Describe Paul's activities in New York
city.
Ans. When Paul arrived at Newark, he got off the train and
took another cab, directing the driver to follow the Pennsylvania tracks out of
the town. The snow lay heavy on the roadways and had drifted deep in the open
fields. Once well into the country, Paul dismissed the carriage and walked,
floundering along the tracks, his mind a medley of irrelevant things. He seemed
to hold in his brain an actual picture of everything he had seen that morning.
He remembered every feature of both his drivers, of the toothless old woman
from whom he had bought the red flowers in his coat, the agent from whom he had
got his ticket, and all of his fellow-passengers on the ferry. His mind, unable
to cope with vital matters near at hand, worked feverishly and deftly at
sorting and grouping these images. They made for him a part of the ugliness of
the world, of the ache in his head, and the bitter burning on his tongue. He
stooped and put a handful of snow into his mouth as he walked, but that, too,
seemed hot. When he reached a little hillside, where the tracks ran through a
cut some twenty feet below him, he stopped and sat down.
Paul's Case [word meaning]
abashed (adj.) |
embarrassed
and ashamed |
astonishingly (adv.) |
very
surprisingly: difficult to believe |
belladonna (n.) |
a
poisonous drug |
boisterous (adj.) |
noisy
and full of life and energy |
Carnation (n.) |
a
white, pink, or red flower |
conjecture (v.) |
to
form an opinion about something, to guess |
deftly (adv.) |
skillfully,
and quickly |
droop (v.) |
to
hang or move downwards |
ferry (n.) |
a
boat that carries people |
feverishly (adv.) |
with
fever of worry |
garish (adj.) |
very
brightly colored in an unpleased way |
gauntlet (n.) |
[idm.:
throw down the gauntlet] = to invite somebody to fight or compete with you |
hilarious (adj.) |
extremely
funny |
locomotive (n.) |
railway
engine that pulls a train |
medly (n.) |
mixture
of things of different kinds |
Misdemeanor (n.) |
unacceptable
action |
opal (n.) |
clear
and colorful precious stone used in jeweler |
parched (adj.) |
very
dry (very thirsty) |
rancor (n.) |
feelings
of hatred and adhesive to hurt other people |
repulsive (adj.) |
causing
a feeling of strong dislike |
retrospection (n.) |
thinking
about past event or situation |
ruddy (adj.) |
looking
red and healthy |
scoop (v.) |
to
move something with a quick continuous movement |
soloist (n.) |
a
person who plays an instrument |
spigots (n.) |
any
tap faucet, especially one outdoors |
Suave (adj.) |
confident,
elegant, and polite |
succumb (v.) |
to
fail to resist an attack or illness |
turret (n.) |
a
small tower on the top of a wall or building |
waffle (n.) |
a
crisp flat cake eaten with sweet sauce or cream on top |
Paul's Case [Original story]
IT was Paul's afternoon to appear before the faculty of the
Pittsburg High School to account for his various misdemeanors. He had been
suspended a week ago, and his father had called at the principal's office and
confessed his perplexity about his son. Paul entered the faculty room, suave
and smiling. His clothes were a trifle outgrown, and the tan velvet on the
collar of his open overcoat was frayed and worn; but, for all that, there was
something of the dandy about him, and he wore an opal pin in his neatly knotted
black four-in-hand, and a red carnation in his buttonhole. This latter
adornment the faculty somehow felt was not properly significant of the contrite
spirit befitting a boy under the ban of suspension.
Paul was tall for his age and very thin, with high, cramped
shoulders and a narrow chest. His eyes were remarkable for a certain hysterical
brilliancy, and he continually used them in a conscious, theatrical sort of
way, peculiarly offensive in a boy. The pupils were abnormally large, as though
he were addicted to belladonna, but there was a glassy glitter about them which
that drug does not produce.
When questioned by the principal as to why he was there, Paul
stated, politely enough, that he wanted to come back to school. This was a lie,
but Paul was quite accustomed to lying—found it, indeed, indispensible for
overcoming friction. His teachers were asked to state their respective charges,
which they did with such a rancor and aggrievedness as evinced that this was
not a usual case. Disorder and impertinence were among the offences named, yet
each of his instructors felt that it was scarcely possible to put into words
the real cause of the trouble, which lay in a sort of hysterically defiant
manner of the boy's; in the contempt which they all knew he felt for them, and
which he seemingly made not the least effort to conceal. Once, when he had been
making a synopsis of a paragraph at the blackboard, his English teacher had
stepped to his side and attempted to guide his hand. Paul had started back with
a shudder, and thrust his hands violently behind him. The astonished woman
could scarcely have been more hurt and embarrassed had he struck at her. The
insult was so involuntary and definitely personal as to be unforgettable. In
one way and another he had made all his teachers, men and women alike,
conscious of the same feeling of physical aversion.
His teachers felt, this afternoon, that his whole attitude
was symbolized by his shrug and his flippantly red carnation flower, and they
fell upon him without mercy. He stood through it, smiling, his pale lips parted
over his white teeth. (His lips were continually twitching, and he had a habit
of raising his eyebrows that was contemptuous and irritating to the last
degree.) Older boys than Paul had broken down and shed tears under that baptism
of fire, but his set smile did not once desert him, and his only sign of
discomfort was the nervous trembling of the fingers that toyed with the buttons
of his overcoat, and an occasional jerking of the other hand that held his hat.
Paul was always smiling, always glancing about him, seeming to feel that people
might be watching him and trying to detect something. This conscious
expression, since it was as far as possible from boyish mirthfulness, was
usually attributed to insolence or "smartness."
As the inquisition proceeded, one of his instructors repeated
an impertinent remark of the boy's, and the principal asked him whether he
thought that a courteous speech to have made a woman. Paul shrugged his
shoulders slightly and his eyebrows twitched.
"I don't know," he replied. "I didn't mean to
be polite, or impolite, either. I guess it's a sort of way I have of saying
things, regardless."
The principal, who was a sympathetic man, asked him whether
he didn't think that a way it would be well to get rid of. Paul grinned and
said he guessed so. When he was told that he could go, he bowed gracefully and
went out. His bow was but a repetition of the scandalous red carnation.
His teachers were in despair, and his drawing-master voiced
the feeling of them all when he declared there was something about the boy
which none of them understood. He added: "I don't really believe that
smile of his comes altogether from insolence; there's something sort of haunted
about it. The boy is not strong, for one thing. I happen to know that he was
born in Colorado, only a few months before his mother died out there of a long
illness. There is something wrong about the fellow."
The drawing-master had come to realize that, in looking at
Paul, one saw only his white teeth and the forced animation of his eyes. One
warm afternoon the boy had gone to sleep at his drawing-board, and his master
had noted with amazement what a white, blue-veined face it was; drawn and
wrinkled like an old man's about the eyes, the lips twitching even in his
sleep, and stiff with a nervous tension that drew them back from his teeth.
As for Paul, he ran down the hill whistling the soldiers'
chorus from "Faust," looking wildly behind him, now and then, to see
whether some of his teachers were not there to writhe under his
light-heartedness. As it was now late in the afternoon, and Paul was on duty
that evening as usher in Carnegie Hall, he decided that he would not go home to
supper, but would hang about an Oakland tobacconist's shop until it was time to
go to the concert hall.
When Paul reached the ushers' dressing-room at about
half-past seven that evening, half a dozen boys were there already, and Paul
began, excitedly, to tumble into his uniform. It was one of the few that at all
approached fitting, and he thought it very becoming, though he knew that the
tight, straight coat accentuated his narrow chest, about which he was
exceedingly sensitive. He was always considerably excited while he dressed,
twanging all over to the tuning of the strings and the preliminary flourishes
of the horns in the music-room; but to-night he seemed quite beside himself,
and he teased and plagued the boys until, telling him that he was crazy, they
put him down on the floor and sat on him.
Somewhat calmed by his suppression, Paul dashed out to the
front of the house to seat the early comers.
He was a model usher; gracious and smiling, he ran up and
down the aisles; nothing was too much trouble for him; he carried messages and
brought programs as though it were his greatest pleasure in life, and all the
people in his section thought him a charming boy, feeling that he remembered
and admired them. As the house filled, he grew more and more vivacious and
animated, and the color came to his cheeks and lips. It was very much as though
this were a great reception, and Paul were the host.
When the symphony began, Paul sank into one of the rear
seats, with a long sigh of relief. It was not that symphonies, as such, meant
anything in particular to Paul, but the first sigh of the instruments seemed to
free some hilarious and potent spirit within him— something that struggled
there like the Genius in the bottle found by the Arab fisherman. He felt a
sudden zest of life; the lights danced before his eyes and the concert hall
blazed into unimaginable splendor. When the soprano soloist came on, Paul half
closed his eyes, and gave himself up to the peculiar stimulus such personages
always had for him. The soloist chanced to be a German woman, by no means in
her first youth and the mother of many children; but she wore an elaborate gown
and a tiara, and above all, she had that indefinable air of achievement, that
world-shine upon her, which, in Paul's eyes, made her a veritable queen of
romance.
After a concert was over Paul was always irritable and
wretched until he got to sleep, and to-night he was even more than usually
restless. He had the feeling of not being able to let down, of its being
impossible to give up this delicious excitement which was the only thing that
could be called living at all. During the last number he withdrew, and, after
hastily changing his clothes in the dressing-room, slipped out to the side door
where the soprano's carriage stood. Here he began pacing rapidly up and down
the walk, waiting to see her come out.
Over yonder the Schenley, in its vacant stretch, loomed big
and square through the fine rain, the windows of its twelve stories glowing
like those of a lighted cardboard house under a Christmas tree. All the actors
and singers of the better class stayed there when they were in the city, and a
number of the big manufacturers of the place lived there in the winter. Paul
had often hung about the hotel, watching the people go in and out, longing to enter
and leave school-masters and dull care behind him forever.
At last the singer came out, accompanied by the conductor who
helped her into her carriage and closed the door with a cordial auf
wiedersehen, which set Paul to wondering whether she were not an old sweetheart
of his. Paul followed the carriage over to the hotel, walking so rapidly as not
to be far from the entrance when the singer alighted and disappeared behind the
swinging glass doors that were opened by a negro in a tall hat and a long coat.
In the moment that the door was ajar, it seemed to Paul that he too entered. He
seemed to feel himself go after her up the steps, into the warm, lighted
building, into an exotic, a tropical world of shiny, glistening surfaces and
basking ease. He reflected upon the mysterious dishes that were brought into
the dining- room, the green bottles in buckets of ice, as he had seen them in
the supper-party pictures of the Sunday World supplement. A quick gust of wind
brought the rain down with sudden vehemence, and Paul was startled to find that
he was still outside in the slush of the gravel driveway; that his boots were
letting in the water, and his scanty overcoat was clinging wet about him; that
the lights in front of the concert hall were out, and that the rain was driving
in sheets between him and the orange glow of the windows above him. There it
was, what he wanted—tangibly before him, like the fairy world of a Christmas
pantomime, but mocking spirits stood guard at the doors, and, as the rain beat
in his face, Paul wondered whether he were destined always to shiver in the
black night outside, looking up at it.
He turned and walked reluctantly toward the car tracks. The
end had to come sometime; his father in his night-clothes at the top of the
stairs, explanations that did not explain, hastily improvised fictions that
were forever tripping him up, his upstairs room and its horrible yellow
wall-paper, the creaking bureau with the greasy plush collar box and over his
painted wooden bed the pictures of George Washington and John Calvin, and the
framed motto, "Feed my Lambs," which had been worked in red worsted
by his mother.
Half an hour later, Paul alighted from his car and went
slowly down one of the side streets off the main thoroughfare. It was a highly
respectable street, where all the houses were exactly alike, and where business
men of moderate means begot and reared large families of children, all of whom
went to Sabbath-school and learned the shorter catechism, and were interested
in arithmetic; all of whom were as exactly alike as their homes, and of a piece
with the monotony in which they lived. Paul never went up Cordelia Street
without a shudder of loathing. His home was next to the house of the Cumberland
minister. He approached it to-night with the nerveless sense of defeat, the
hopeless feeling of sinking back forever into ugliness and commonness that he
always had when he came home. The moment he turned into Cordelia Street he felt
the waters close above his head. After each of these orgies of living, he
experienced all the physical depression which follows a debauch; the loathing
of respectable beds, of common food, of a house penetrated by kitchen odors; a
shuddering repulsion for the flavorless, colorless mass of every-day existence;
a morbid desire for cool things and soft lights and fresh flowers.
The nearer he approached the house, the more absolutely
unequal Paul felt to the sight of it all; his ugly sleeping chamber, the cold
bath-room, with the grimy zinc tub, the cracked mirror, the dripping spigots,
his father at the top of the stairs, his hairy legs sticking out from his
night-shirt, his feet thrust into carpet slippers. He was so much later than
usual that there would certainly be inquiries and reproaches. Paul stopped
short before the door. He felt that he could not be accosted by his father
to-night, that he could not toss again on that miserable bed. He would not go
in. He would tell his father that he had no car fare, and it was raining so
hard he had gone home with one of the boys and stayed all night.
Meanwhile, he was wet and cold. He went around to the back of
the house and tried one of the basement windows, found it open, raised it
cautiously, and scrambled down the cellar wall to the floor. There he stood,
holding his breath, terrified by the noise he had made, but the floor above him
was silent, and there was no creak on the stairs. He found a soap box, and
carried it over to the soft ring of light that streamed from the furnace door,
and sat down. He was horribly afraid of rats, so he did not try to sleep, but
sat looking distrustfully at the dark, still terrified least he might have
awakened his father. In such reactions, after one of the experiences which made
days and nights out of the dreary blanks of the calendar, when his senses were
deadened, Paul's head was always singularly clear. Suppose his father had heard
him getting in at the window, and come down and shot him for a burglar? Then,
again, suppose his father had come down, pistol in hand, and he had cried out
in time to save himself, and his father had been horrified to think how nearly
he had killed him? Then, again, suppose a day should come when his father would
remember that night, and wish there had been no warning cry to stay his hand?
With this last supposition Paul entertained himself until daybreak.
The following Sunday was fine; the sodden November chill was
broken by the last flash of autumnal summer. In the morning Paul had to go to
church and Sabbath- school, as always. On seasonable Sunday afternoons the
burghers of Cordelia Street always sat out on their front "stoops,"
and talked to their neighbors on the next stop, or called to those across the
street in neighborly fashion. The men usually sat on gay cushions placed upon
the steps that led down to the sidewalk, while the women, in their Sunday
"waists," sat in rockers on the cramped porches, pretending to be
greatly at their ease. The children played in the streets; there were so many
of them that the place resembled the recreation grounds of a kindergarten. The
men on the steps—all in their shirt sleeves, their vests unbuttoned—sat with
their legs well apart, their stomachs comfortably protruding, and talked of the
prices of things, or told anecdotes of the sagacity of their various chiefs and
overlords. They occasionally looked over the multitude of squabbling children,
listened affectionately to their high-pitched, nasal voices, smiling to see
their own proclivities reproduced in their offspring, and interspersed their
legends of the iron kings with remarks about their sons' progress at school,
their grades in arithmetic, and the amounts they had saved in their toy banks.
On this last Sunday of November, Paul sat all the afternoon
on the lowest step of his "stoop," staring into the street, while his
sisters, in their rockers, were talking to the minister's daughters next door
about how many shirt-waists they had made in the last week, and how many
waffles someone had eaten at the last church supper. When the weather was warm,
and his father was in a particularly jovial frame of mind, the girls made
lemonade, which was always brought out in a red glass pitcher, ornamented with
forget-me-nots in blue enamel. This the girls thought very fine, and the
neighbors always joked about the suspicious color of the pitcher.
To-day Paul's father sat on the top step, talking to a young
man who shifted a restless baby from knee to knee. He happened to be the young
man who was daily held up to Paul as a model, and after whom it was his
father's dearest hope that he would pattern. This young man was of a ruddy
complexion, with a compressed, red mouth, and faded, near-sighted eyes, over
which he wore thick spectacles, with gold bows that curved about his ears. He
was clerk to one of the magnates of a great steel corporation, and was looked
upon in Cordelia Street as a young man with a future. There was a story that,
some five years ago—he was now barely twenty-six—he had been a trifle
dissipated, but in order to curb his appetites and save the loss of time and
strength that a sowing of wild oats might have entailed, he had taken his
chief's advice, oft reiterated to his employees, and at twenty-one, had married
the first woman whom he could persuade to share his fortunes. She happened to
be an angular schoolmistress, much older than he, who also wore thick glasses,
and who had now borne him four children, all near- sighted, like herself.
The young man was relating how his chief, now cruising in the
Mediterranean, kept in touch with all the details of the business, arranging
his office hours on his yacht just as though he were at home, and
"knocking off work enough to keep two stenographers busy." His father
told, in turn, the plan his corporation was considering, of putting in an
electric railway plant at Cairo. Paul snapped his teeth; he had an awful
apprehension that they might spoil it all before he got there. Yet he rather
liked to hear these legends of the iron kings, that were told and retold on
Sundays and holidays; these stories of palaces in Venice, yachts on the
Mediterranean, and high play at Monte Carlo appealed to his fancy, and he was
interested in the triumphs of these cash-boys who had become famous, though he
had no mind for the cash-boy stage.
After supper was over, and he had helped to dry the dishes,
Paul nervously asked his father whether he could go to George's to get some
help in his geometry, and still more nervously asked for car fare. This latter
request he had to repeat, as his father, on principle, did not like to hear
requests for money, whether much or little. He asked Paul whether he could not
go to some boy who lived nearer, and told him that he ought not to leave his
school work until Sunday; but he gave him the dime. He was not a poor man, but
he had a worthy ambition to come up in the world. His only reason for allowing
Paul to usher was, that he thought a boy ought to be earning a little.
Paul bounded up-stairs, scrubbed the greasy odor of the
dish-water from his hands with the ill-smelling soap he hated, and then shook
over his fingers a few drops of violet water from the bottle he kept hidden in
his drawer. He left the house with his geometry conspicuously under his arm,
and the moment he got out of Cordelia Street and boarded a downtown car, he
shook off the lethargy of two deadening days, and began to live again.
The leading juvenile of the permanent stock company which
played at one of the downtown theatres was an acquaintance of Paul's, and the
boy had been invited to drop in at the Sunday-night rehearsals whenever he
could. For more than a year Paul had spent every available moment loitering
about Charley Edwards's dressing-room. He had won a place among Edwards's
following, not only because the young actor, who could not afford to employ a
dresser, often found the boy very useful, but because he recognized in Paul
something akin to what Churchmen term 'vocation.'
It was at the theatre and at Carnegie Hall that Paul really
lived; the rest was but a sleep and a forgetting. This was Paul's fairy tale,
and it had for him all the allurement of a secret love. The moment he inhaled
the gassy, painty, dusty odor behind the scenes, he breathed like a prisoner
set free, and felt within him the possibility of doing or saying splendid,
brilliant, poetic things. The moment the cracked orchestra beat out the
overture from "Martha", or jerked at the serenade from
"Rigoletto," all stupid and ugly things slid from him, and his senses
were deliciously, yet delicately fired.
Perhaps it was because, in Paul's world, the natural nearly
always wore the guise of ugliness, that a certain element of artificiality
seemed to him necessary in beauty. Perhaps it was because his experience of
life elsewhere was so full of Sabbath-school picnics, petty economies,
wholesome advice as to how to succeed in life, and the unescapable odors of cooking,
that he found this existence so alluring, these smartly clad men and women so
attractive, that he was so moved by these starry apple orchards that bloomed
perennially under the lime-light.
It would be difficult to put it strongly enough how convincingly
the stage entrance of that theatre was for Paul the actual portal of Romance.
Certainly none of the company ever suspected it, least of all Charley Edwards.
It was very like the old stories that used to float about London of fabulously
rich Jews, who had subterranean halls there; with palms, and fountains, and
soft lamps, and richly appareled women who never saw the disenchanting light of
London day. So, in the midst of that smoke-palled city, enamored of figures and
grimy toil, Paul had his secret temple, his wishing carpet, his bit of
blue-and-white Mediterranean shore bathed in perpetual sunshine.
Several of Paul's teachers had a theory that his imagination
had been perverted by garish fiction, but the truth was that he scarcely ever
read at all. The books at home were not such as would either tempt or corrupt a
youthful mind, and as for reading the novels that some of his friends urged
upon him—well, he got what he wanted much more quickly from music; any sort of
music, from an orchestra to a barrel-organ. He needed only the spark, the
indescribable thrill that made his imagination master of his senses, and he
could make plots and pictures enough of his own. It was equally true that he
was not stage-struck—not, at any rate, in the usual acceptation of that
expression. He had no desire to become an actor, any more than he had to become
a musician. He felt no necessity to do any of these things; what he wanted was
to see, to be in the atmosphere, float on the wave of it, to be carried out,
blue league after blue league, away from everything.
After a night behind the scenes, Paul found the school-room
more than ever repulsive: the bare floors and naked walls, the prosy men who
never wore frock-coats, or violets in their button-holes; the women with their
dull gowns, shrill voices, and pitiful seriousness about prepositions that
govern the dative. He could not bear to have the other pupils think, for a
moment, that he took these people seriously; he must convey to them that he
considered it all trivial, and was there only by way of a jest, anyway. He had
autograph pictures of all the members of the stock company, which he showed his
classmates, telling them the most incredible stories of his familiarity with
these people, of his acquaintance with the soloists who came to Carnegie Hall,
his suppers with them and the flowers he sent them. When these stories lost
their effect, and his audience grew listless, he became desperate and would bid
all the boys good-night, announcing that he was going to travel for a while,
going to Naples, to Venice, to Egypt. Then, next Monday, he would slip back,
conscious, and nervously smiling; his sister was ill, and he should have to
defer his voyage until spring.
Matters went steadily worse with Paul at school. In the itch
to let his instructors know how heartily he despised them and their homilies,
and how thoroughly he was appreciated elsewhere, he mentioned once or twice
that he had no time to fool with theorems; adding, with a twitch of the eyebrows
and a touch of that nervous bravado which so perplexed them, that he was
helping the people down at the stock company; they were old friends of his.
The upshot of the matter was, that the principal went to
Paul's father, and Paul was taken out of school and put to work. The manager at
Carnegie Hall was told to get another usher in his stead, the doorkeeper at the
theatre was warned not to admit him to the house, and Charley Edwards
remorsefully promised the boy's father not to see him again.
The members of the stock company were vastly amused when some
of Paul's stories reached them—especially the women. They were hard-working
women, most of them supporting indigent husbands or brothers, and they laughed
rather bitterly at having stirred the boy to such fervid and florid inventions.
They agreed with the faculty and with his father that Paul's was a bad case.
The east-bound train was plowing through a January
snow-storm; the dull dawn was beginning to show gray, when the engine whistled
a mile out of Newark. Paul started up from the seat where he had lain curled in
uneasy slumber, rubbed the breath- misted window-glass with his hand, and
peered out. The snow was whirling in curling eddies above the white
bottom-lands, and the drifts lay already deep in the fields and along the
fences, while here and there the long dead grass and dried weed stalks
protruded black above it. Lights shone from the scattered houses, and a gang of
laborers who stood beside the track waved their lanterns.
Paul had slept very little, and he felt grimy and
uncomfortable. He had made the all-night journey in a day coach, partly because
he was ashamed, dressed as he was, to go into a Pullman, and partly because he
was afraid of being seen there by some Pittsburg business man, who might have
noticed him in Denny & Carson's office. When the whistle awoke him, he
clutched quickly at his breast pocket, glancing about him with an uncertain
smile. But the little, clay-bespattered Italians were still sleeping, the
slatternly women across the aisle were in open-mouthed oblivion, and even the
crumby, crying babies were for the nonce stilled. Paul settled back to struggle
with his impatience as best he could.
When he arrived at the Jersey City station, Paul hurried
through his breakfast, manifestly ill at ease and keeping a sharp eye about
him. After he reached the Twenty- third Street station, he consulted a cabman,
and had himself driven to a men's furnishing establishment that was just
opening for the day. He spent upward of two hours there, buying with endless
reconsidering and great care. His new street suit he put on in the fitting-room;
the frock-coat and dress-clothes he had bundled into the cab with his linen.
Then he drove to a hatter's and a shoe house. His next errand was at Tiffany's,
where he selected his silver and a new scarf-pin. He would not wait to have his
silver marked, he said. Lastly, he stopped at a trunk shop on Broadway, and had
his purchases packed into various traveling bags.
It was a little after one o'clock when he drove up to the
Waldorf, and after settling with the cabman, went into the office. He
registered from Washington; said his mother and father had been abroad, and
that he had come down to await the arrival of their steamer. He told his story
plausibly and had no trouble, since he volunteered to pay for them in advance,
in engaging his rooms, a sleeping-room, sitting-room and bath.
Not once, but a hundred times, Paul had planned this entry
into New York. He had gone over every detail of it with Charley Edwards, and in
his scrap-book at home there were pages of description about New York hotels,
cut from the Sunday papers. When he was shown to his sitting-room on the eighth
floor, he saw at a glance that everything was as it should be; there was but
one detail in his mental picture that the place did not realize, so he rang for
the bell-boy and sent him down for flowers. He moved about nervously until the
boy returned, putting away his new linen and fingering it delightedly as he did
so. When the flowers came, he put them hastily into water, and then tumbled
into a hot bath. Presently he came out of his white bath-room, resplendent in
his new silk underwear, and playing with the tassels of his red robe. The snow
was whirling so fiercely outside his windows that he could scarcely see across
the street but within the air was deliciously soft and fragrant. He put the
violets and jonquils on the taboret beside the couch, and threw himself down,
with a long sigh, covering himself with a Roman blanket. He was thoroughly
tired; he had been in such haste, had stood up to such a strain, covered so
much ground in the last twenty-four hours, that he wanted to think how it had
all come about. Lulled by the sound of the wind, the warm air, and the cool
fragrance of the flowers, he sank into deep, drowsy retrospection.
It had been wonderfully simple; when they had shut him out of
the theatre and concert hall, when they had taken away his bone, the whole
thing was virtually determined. The rest was a mere matter of opportunity. The
only thing that at all surprised him was his own courage, for he realized well
enough that he had always been tormented by fear, a sort of apprehensive dread
that, of late years, as the meshes of the lies he had told closed about him,
had been pulling the muscles of his body tighter and tighter. Until now, he
could not remember the time when he had not been dreading something. Even when
he was a little boy, it was always there—behind him, or before, or on either
side. There had always been the shadowed corner, the dark place into which he
dared not look, but from which something seemed always to be watching him—and
Paul had done things that were not pretty to watch, he knew.
But now he had a curious sense of relief, as though he had at
last thrown down the gauntlet to the thing in the corner.
Yet it was but a day since he had been sulking in the traces;
but yesterday afternoon that he had been sent to the bank with Denny &
Carson's deposits as usual— but this time he was instructed to leave the book
to be balanced. There were above two thousand dollars in checks, and nearly a
thousand in the bank-notes which he had taken from the book and quietly
transferred to his pocket. At the bank he had made out a new deposit slip. His
nerves had been steady enough to permit of his returning to the office, where
he had finished his work and asked for a full day's holiday tomorrow, Saturday,
giving a perfectly reasonable pretext. The bank-book, he knew, would not be
returned before Monday or Tuesday, and his father would be out of town for the
next week. From the time he slipped the bank-notes into his pocket until he
boarded the night train for New York, he had not known a moment's hesitation.
It was not the first time Paul had steered through treacherous waters.
How astonishingly easy it had all been; here he was, the
thing done, and this time there would be no awakening, no figure at the top of
the stairs. He watched the snow- flakes whirling by his window until he fell
asleep.
When he awoke, it was three o'clock in the afternoon. He
bounded up with a start; half of one of his precious days gone already! He
spent more than an hour in dressing, watching every stage of his toilet
carefully in the mirror. Everything was quite perfect; he was exactly the kind
of boy he had always wanted to be.
When he went down-stairs, Paul took a carriage and drove up
Fifth Avenue toward the Park. The snow had somewhat abated, carriages and
tradesmen's wagons were hurrying to and fro in the winter twilight, boys in
woolen mufflers were shovelling off the doorsteps, the avenue stages made fine
spots of color against the white street. Here and there on the corners were
stands, with whole flower gardens blooming under glass cases, against the sides
of which the snow-flakes stuck and melted; violets, roses, carnations, lilies
of the valley, somehow vastly more lovely and alluring that they blossomed thus
unnaturally in the snow. The Park itself was a wonderful stage winter- piece.
When he returned, the pause of the twilight had ceased, and
the tune of the streets had changed. The snow was falling faster, lights
streamed from the hotels that reared their dozen stories fearlessly up into the
storm, defying the raging Atlantic winds. A long, black stream of carriages
poured down the avenue, intersected here and there by other streams, tending
horizontally. There were a score of cabs about the entrance of his hotel, and
his driver had to wait. Boys in livery were running in and out of the awning that
was stretched across the sidewalk, up and down the red velvet carpet laid from
the door to the street. Above, about, within it all was the rumble and roar,
the hurry and toss of thousands of human beings as hot for pleasure as himself,
and on every side of him towered the glaring affirmation of the omnipotence of
wealth.
The boy set his teeth and drew his shoulders together in a
spasm of realization; the plot of all dramas, the text of all romances, the
nerve-stuff of all sensations was whirling about him like the snow-flakes. He
burnt like a faggot in a tempest.
When Paul went down to dinner, the music of the orchestra
came floating up the elevator shaft to greet him. His head whirled as he
stepped into the thronged corridor, and he sank back into one of the chairs
against the wall to get his breath. The lights, the chatter, the perfumes, the
bewildering medley of color—he had for a moment the feeling of not being able
to stand it. But only for a moment; these were his own people, he told himself.
He went slowly about the corridors, through the writing-rooms, smoking-rooms,
reception-rooms, as though he were exploring the chambers of an enchanted
palace, built and peopled for him alone.
When he reached the dining-room he sat down at a table near a
window. The flowers, the white linen, the many-colored wine glasses, the gay toilettes
of the women, the low popping of corks, the undulating repetitions of the
"Blue Danube" from the orchestra, all flooded Paul's dream with
bewildering radiance. When the rosy tinge of his champagne was added—that cold,
precious, bubbling stuff that creamed and foamed in his glass—Paul wondered
that there were honest men in the world at all. This was what all the world was
fighting for, he reflected; this was what all the struggle was about. He
doubted the reality of his past. Had he ever known a place called Cordelia
Street, a place where fagged-looking business men got on the early car; mere
rivets in a machine, they seemed to Paul—sickening men, with combings of
children's hair always hanging to their coats, and the smell of cooking in
their clothes. Cordelia Street—Ah! that belonged to another time and country;
had he not always been thus, had he not sat here night after night, from as far
back as he could remember, looking pensively over just such shimmering textures
and slowly twirling the stem of a glass like this one between his thumb and
middle finger? He rather thought he had.
He was not in the least abashed or lonely. He had no especial
desire to meet or to know any of these people; all he demanded was the right to
look on and conjecture, to watch the pageant. The mere stage properties were
all he contended for. Nor was he lonely later in the evening, in his loge at
the Metropolitan. He was now entirely rid of his nervous misgivings, of his
forced aggressiveness, of the imperative desire to show himself different from
his surroundings. He felt now that his surroundings explained him. Nobody
questioned the purple; he had only to wear it passively. He had only to glance
down at his attire to reassure himself that here it would be impossible for anyone
to humiliate him.
He found it hard to leave his beautiful sitting-room to go to
bed that night, and sat long watching the raging storm from his turret window.
When he went to sleep, it was with the lights turned on in his bedroom; partly
because of his old timidity and partly so that, if he should wake in the night,
there would be no wretched moment of doubt, no horrible suspicion of yellow
wall-paper, or of Washington and Calvin above his bed.
Sunday morning the city was practically snow-bound. Paul
breakfasted late, and in the afternoon he fell in with a wild San Francisco
boy, a freshman at Yale, who said he had run down for a "little
flyer" over Sunday. The young man offered to show Paul the night side of
the town, and the two boys went out together after dinner, not returning to the
hotel until seven o'clock the next morning. They had started out in the
confiding warmth of a champagne friendship, but their parting in the elevator
was singularly cool. The freshman pulled himself together to make his train and
Paul went to bed. He awoke at two o'clock in the afternoon, very thirsty and
dizzy, and rang for ice- water, coffee, and the Pittsburg papers.
On the part of the hotel management, Paul excited no
suspicion. There was this to be said for him, that he wore his spoils with
dignity and in no way made himself conspicuous. Even under the glow of his wine
he was never boisterous, though he found the stuff like a magician's wand for
wonder-building. His chief greediness lay in his ears and eyes, and his
excesses were not offensive ones. His dearest pleasures were the gray winter
twilights in his sitting-room; his quiet enjoyment of his flowers, his clothes,
his wide divan, his cigarette, and his sense of power. He could not remember a
time when he had felt so at peace with himself. The mere release from the
necessity of petty lying, lying every day and every day, restored his
self-respect. He had never lied for pleasure, even at school, but to be noticed
and admired, to assert his difference from other Cordelia Street boys; and he
felt a good deal more manly, more honest even, now that he had no need for
boastful pretensions, now that he could, as his actor friends used to say,
"dress the part." It was characteristic that remorse did not occur to
him. His golden days went by without a shadow, and he made each as perfect as
he could.
On the eighth day after his arrival in New York, he found the
whole affair exploited in the Pittsburg papers, exploited with a wealth of
detail which indicated that local news of a sensational nature was at a low
ebb. The firm of Denny & Carson announced that the boy's father had
refunded the full amount of the theft, and that they had no intention of
prosecuting. The Cumberland minister had been interviewed, and expressed his hope
of yet reclaiming the motherless boy, and his Sabbath-school teacher declared
that she would spare no effort to that end. The rumor had reached Pittsburg
that the boy had been seen in a New York hotel, and his father had gone East to
find him and bring him home.
Paul had just come in to dress for dinner; he sank into a
chair, weak to the knees, and clasped his head in his hands. It was to be worse
than jail, even; the tepid waters of Cordelia Street were to close over him
finally and forever. The gray monotony stretched before him in hopeless,
unrelieved years; Sabbath-school, Young People's Meeting, the yellow-papered
room, the damp dish-towels; it all rushed back upon him with a sickening
vividness. He had the old feeling that the orchestra had suddenly stopped, the
sinking sensation that the play was over. The sweat broke out on his face, and
he sprang to his feet, looked about him with his white, conscious smile, and
winked at himself in the mirror. With something of the old childish belief in
miracles with which he had so often gone to class, all his lessons unlearned,
Paul dressed and dashed whistling down the corridor to the elevator.
He had no sooner entered the dining-room and caught the
measure of the music than his remembrance was lightened by his old elastic
power of claiming the moment, mounting with it, and finding it all-sufficient.
The glare and glitter about him, the mere scenic accessories had again, and for
the last time, their old potency. He would show himself that he was game, he
would finish the thing splendidly. He doubted, more than ever, the existence of
Cordelia Street, and for the first time he drank his wine recklessly. Was he
not, after all, one of those fortunate beings born to the purple, was he not
still himself and in his own place? He drummed a nervous accompaniment to the
Pagliacci music and looked about him, telling himself over and over that it had
paid.
He reflected drowsily, to the swell of the music and the
chill sweetness of his wine, that he might have done it more wisely. He might
have caught an outbound steamer and been well out of their clutches before now.
But the other side of the world had seemed too far away and too uncertain then;
he could not have waited for it; his need had been too sharp. If he had to
choose over again, he would do the same thing tomorrow. He looked
affectionately about the dining-room, now gilded with a soft mist. Ah, it had
paid indeed!
Paul was awakened next morning by a painful throbbing in his
head and feet. He had thrown himself across the bed without undressing, and had
slept with his shoes on. His limbs and hands were lead heavy, and his tongue
and throat were parched and burnt. There came upon him one of those fateful
attacks of clear-headedness that never occurred except when he was physically
exhausted and his nerves hung loose. He lay still and closed his eyes and let
the tide of things wash over him.
His father was in New York; "stopping at some joint or
other," he told himself. The memory of successive summers on the front
stoop fell upon him like a weight of black water. He had not a hundred dollars
left; and he knew now, more than ever, that money was everything, the wall that
stood between all he loathed and all he wanted.
The thing was winding itself up; he had thought of that on
his first glorious day in New York, and had even provided a way to snap the
thread. It lay on his dressing-table now; he had got it out last night when he
came blindly up from dinner, but the shiny metal hurt his eyes, and he disliked
the looks of the thing.
He rose and moved about with a painful effort, succumbing now
and again to attacks of nausea. It was the old depression exaggerated; all the
world had become Cordelia Street. Yet somehow, he was not afraid of anything,
was absolutely calm; perhaps because he had looked into the dark corner at last
and knew. It was bad enough, what he saw there, but somehow not so bad as his
long fear of it had been. He saw everything clearly now. He had a feeling that
he had made the best of it, that he had lived the sort of life he was meant to
live, and for half an hour he sat staring at the revolver. But he told himself
that was not the way, so he went down stairs and took a cab to the ferry.
When Paul arrived at Newark, he got off the train and took
another cab, directing the driver to follow the Pennsylvania tracks out of the
town. The snow lay heavy on the roadways and had drifted deep in the open
fields. Only here and there the dead grass or dried weed stalks projected,
singularly black, above it. Once well into the country, Paul dismissed the
carriage and walked, floundering along the tracks, his mind a medley of
irrelevant things. He seemed to hold in his brain an actual picture of
everything he had seen that morning. He remembered every feature of both his
drivers, of the toothless old woman from whom he had bought the red flowers in
his coat, the agent from whom he had got his ticket, and all of his
fellow-passengers on the ferry. His mind, unable to cope with vital matters
near at hand, worked feverishly and deftly at sorting and grouping these
images. They made for him a part of the ugliness of the world, of the ache in
his head, and the bitter burning on his tongue. He stooped and put a handful of
snow into his mouth as he walked, but that, too, seemed hot. When he reached a
little hillside, where the tracks ran through a cut some twenty feet below him,
he stopped and sat down.
The carnations in his coat were drooping with the cold, he
noticed, their red glory all over. It occurred to him that all the flowers he
had seen in the glass cases that first night must have gone the same way, long
before this. It was only one splendid breath they had, in spite of their brave
mockery at the winter outside the glass, and it was a losing game in the end,
it seemed, this revolt against the homilies by which the world is run. Paul
took one of the blossoms carefully from his coat and scooped a little hole in
the snow, where he covered it up. Then he dozed a while, from his weak
condition, seemingly insensible to the cold.
The sound of an approaching train awoke him, and he started
to his feet, remembering only his resolution, and afraid lest he should be too
late. He stood watching the approaching locomotive, his teeth chattering, his
lips drawn away from them in a frightened smile; once or twice he glanced
nervously side wise, as though he were being watched. When the right moment
came, he jumped. As he fell, the folly of his haste occurred to him with
merciless clearness, the vastness of what he had left undone. There flashed
through his brain, clearer than ever before, the blue of Adriatic water, the
yellow of Algerian sands.
He felt something strike his chest, and that his body was being thrown swiftly through the air, on and on, immeasurably far and fast, while his limbs were gently relaxed. Then, because the picture-making mechanism was crushed, the disturbing visions flashed into black, and Paul dropped back into the immense design of things.